Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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