I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
