last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
