1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
