We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
