I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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