it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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