I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
