Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
