brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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