Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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