Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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