is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
