Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
