I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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