I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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