Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
