not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
