just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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