her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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