i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
