just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
3 2 1 whiskey
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
