is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
These tits shall not be calmed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
