did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
