He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
