I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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