she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
