That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
