i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
