My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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