Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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