Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
