ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
