I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is wine microwaveable?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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