Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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