Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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