I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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