dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
