he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
