ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
