My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
