Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
