what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
