she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i out mim tonsoeep
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