I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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