Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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