M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
