I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
