He uses pillows to masturbate.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
