Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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