i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
