Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
