i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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