just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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