I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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