If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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