Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
