I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
