I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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